Mistress? Domme?
Terms like Domme and Mistress are only merely tolerated by some dominant women.
Labels for self-identification seem to be chosen in large part because of the feelings they evoke for an individual. Like “Mistress” – some people love the label, some hate it. The same with “slave”. Me, if I have to put a label on me I’ll call myself a dom, but not a domme. Not that I think domme is a bad label, it just doesn’t work for me personally.
Yeah, I have felt forced to use it myself now and then, but I still don’t like it. “Domme” is especially awkward since people can’t agree on how to pronounce it in speech. I have heard people defending _Dom_, _Dome_, _Dom-may_, and _Dome-may_. May I respectfully suggest we just drop its use completely? It’s not a useful word if it only adds to the confusion, IMHO.
Why not just go back to *Dame*? Dame is a cool word, that already has a solidly accepted definition:
dame (d³m) n. 1. Used as a courtesy title for a woman in authority or a mistress of a household. 2.a. A married woman; a matron. b. An elderly woman. 3. Slang. A woman. 4. Chiefly British. a. A woman holding a nonhereditary title conferred by a sovereign in recognition of personal merit or service to the country. b. The wife or widow of a knight. c. Used as the title for such a woman. [Middle English, from Old French, from Latin domina, feminine of dominus, lord, master.]
Any woman who rules her own household is a Dame; that’s the number one definition! An especially outstanding Dame, or one who is a leader among Dames would be called a Grand Dame. An exemplary Dame might be called a Great Dame.
Used in a sentence: “She’s more than a Grand Dame, she’s a Great Dame!”
Other poisoned terms which IMHO should be retired: “Dominatrix” (dominatrice). Too closely associated with the pro scene to be useful in identifying a non-pro dominant woman. “Domina” also is used so much by pros that I think all non-pros should just let them have it and call it a day.
It is disturbing that to identify a woman who is not available for rent we have to call her a non-anything, like she is lacking in some way. A dominant woman, a sadistic woman, and a woman who is a BDSM top are firmly, positively, something definite which is not cute and girlish. A woman who is a bondage master, that is, a master of the art, can certainly be called a master. The term mistress is tainted, but I tolerate it because of its antiquity. The word mistress is not going away, and I’m OK about that.
If people want a respectful term for someone who is really wise and respected, then how about something like Mahatma? That is a word which can be used for either men or women, either tops or bottoms, who are knowledgeable and venerated. That’s the kind of word we really need right now, IMHO, as much as we need the kind of people we’d attach it to. What we don’t need is more frilly pink labels to pin onto glorious, terrifying, Amazonian dominant DAMES.
Used in a sentence: “She’s more than a Grand Dame, she’s a Great Dame!” Originally posted 2010-11-29 11:23:12.
Domme? Dame?,
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