(A man explains how forced feminization fits into his submissive needs.)
I don’t feel that there is any single reason for why men find it humiliating. Each person is different and the reasons for the reactions, and even their reactions themselves, are all different. What I can do is share my own experiences, and maybe that can add some understanding to the matter. I am a non-op MtF transgender person. Getting to this level of self-acceptance was not an easy road for me.
I remember the first time I read a forced feminization story. I was shocked. I was disturbed. And I was turned on, which I think unsettled me even more. Prior to this episode I had entertained quite a few “what if” sort of thoughts. What if I had been born a girl, what girl would I be? What if I had been given the choice at birth? And I had always harbored slight tinges of envy for women. Their clothing options (I still miss the 80s… where boys could look like girls and girls could look like boys… not that I ever had the nerve to risk it at the time), their skin features (I remember when I was taught to shave… more like intimidated into it. I hated the idea that my facial hair would come back thicker… and saying some food would put hair on my chest would just make me think “and what if I don’t want hair on my chest?”), their sexuality and sensitivity both emotionally and physically.
But for the most part these were not thoughts I dared entertain very deeply. I managed to acquire a lot of baggage while I was growing up. Being too sensitive or too un-boyish was meet with hostility, both at home and among my peers. I eventually learned that even thinking such things could be dangerous, least I act on them. Fortunately I was able to find a middle road and did not end up over compensating and proving how guyish I really was. But even dating, I didn’t dare discuss some of my private thoughts and feelings least I incur the same rejection and hostility I survived in my youth.
Fast forward to my discovery of the online kink community. I already had some experience and education in BDSM prior to getting online, and quickly searched out and found ASB, which was soon followed by ASF. And on those groups I found an abundance of forced feminization stories, and myself empathizing very closely with the characters in them. No matter how disturbing I found the images they portrayed or how uncomfortable my own emotions were, I kept finding myself drawn to them. My obsession with them increased, and eventually I had to confront my feelings on the matter. I confided some of my feelings to my SO and she was supportive of my dressing up. At first it was exhilarating to some extent and for a little while a sexual thrill. I felt a little freer to be who I wanted to be. I do not think I felt it was humiliating in the sense of shameful or degrading, but I was very self conscious, was very easily embarrassed, and there was still quite a bit of fear involved with expressing that side of myself.
That worked out for a time, but after a while I still felt myself wanting more. I felt a need to take it further, and I longed for some one to take me to those places that too scared to go on my own. My SO, while accepting and willing to support me taking things further, initially she was not willing to take on the role of forcing me. It was mix between her not understanding my needs and desires, me not having the words to help her understand, and some of how own issues stemming from her own past relationships that needed to be overcome. Eventually my feelings did achieve a level of critical mass and I found myself having to move forward on my own least I completely destroy my relationship and myself. Now we are working on overcoming some of our hang-ups and exploring some elements of forced feminizations again (who says that D/s cannot be healing for the Dominant as well as the submissive?).
So for me, the idea of forced feminization is not about something that I find shameful or humiliating, but about a desire to be pushed harder then I am able or willing to push myself. When I ask my partner to force feminize me, I am asking that person to strip my psyche bare, look into my soul, and force me to confront those things I may be to fearful to confront or pursue on my own. I am asking to force me to do the things I am too scared to do or even ask for myself.
Plus I just plain find it hot. Being “forced” to become a woman that is highly provocative and desirable pushes a lot of my buttons. I still have not unraveled the entirety of my mental and emotional tapestry, but I almost suspect that is almost a shadowy refection of female adolescence or desire to experience it for myself.
About those that find dressing as humiliating, my guess is that they are people who still cling very strongly to their masculine egos (as in sense of self and identity, not exaggerated self-importance or conceit, or pride and self-esteem) and yet are somewhat shameful of that attachment, and that the humiliation process may be a way to for them to overcome and purge themselves to that connection.
On Needing Forced Feminization
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