(Old newsgroup posting by Katharine Hawks.)
I do believe that “submitting to the feminine” is one of the more common patterns in F/m relationships.
Speaking for myself, that squicks me. I don’t want anyone submitting to the “feminine” in me. Blech. And while I’m content to use that energy to my advantage every once in a while, I only feel comfortable with it as a sideline or occasional subtext. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it as a mainstay.
For example, I was recently dressing for a party and I called my boy upstairs to help me dress. I was wearing a latex tank top and certainly enjoyed the way she got all drooly when I asked her to help apply the shine
I can also play occasionally with gender supremacy in the right context and enjoy that dynamic. But again, as a steady diet.. .blech.
This is because I don’t go through my life always experiencing my gender. Not all moments are gendered for me. Similarly, I cannot imagine a dynamic as rich as dominance/submission stemming *only* from a gender dynamic. While some of my power does come from my gender — most of it comes from other sources. From my experiences in life, from my perceptiveness, from my sense of ethics, from my sadism, from my intellect, by being a good decision-maker, by being open of heart, etc.
And I am more likely to be turned on by someone who submits to me because of these qualities rather than the uninteresting nature of the fact that I’m gendered. (Since most of us are gendered in some way, I don’t feel like that makes me unique or worthy of someone’s submission. I enjoy much more the sense that someone is submitting to me because of qualities that I’ve worked very hard to develop and nurture.)
Originally posted 2009-03-04 07:19:09.
Submitting to the Feminine
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