Female Led Relationships: Femdom Lifestyle
From an old Usenet discussion of cuckolding and male submission.
The fantasy of my wife/mistress taking a lover is very strong with me, and I’m curious if this is a basic tenant of male submissiveness. The Father of Masochism (ol’ Leopold himself) had very strong feelings about this; in real life, he actually took out a personal ad to find a lover for his wife. So, from the very beginning, cuckolding has been a vital part of the “scene.” While these fantasies are very intense, my wife is a little less enthusiastic. She finds the fantasy appealing, but she’s reluctant to actually do it. I suppose that IS asking a lot of a person. So I don’t push the issue.
I’m not posting this to solicit “fantasy” stories – although I’ve seen other such questions posed in supposedly-serious forums which were little more than thinly-veiled requests for jerk-off material. Rather, I am curious as to how many submissive men share this fantasy. How about dominant women?
I’ve been active in the “club scene” for about 10 years, and have talked with other submissive men and dominant women about a variety of subjects – but, frankly, I’ve been a little shy about discussing this aspect of my fantasies. So I’ve really had no feedback on the subject.
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I’ve talked to a number of submissive men who have this among their fantasies, or varying flavors of this. One reads a lot of fiction about the wife/dom taking a lover and taunting her husband/sub that she needed a “real man” and so on. I know that this is a strong fantasy for some men, but it’s not something that appeals to me at all. To me this falls under the heading of “serious humiliation play”, and while that’s an okay kink, it’s not my kink.
Personally, I’m wired monogamous. I don’t really have an interest in playing with anyone other than my partner. There have been times when I have had more than one play-partner, but when I meet someone who I am interested in on a level other than play, I lose interest in playing with anyone else.
Having said that, I’ve had partners who have wanted to include others in our play in various ways, and I have thought about it. I guess it’s something I’d be willing to try if it was a really big deal to my partner, but it isn’t something I’d seek to do for myself. I try to keep an open mind, and not rule things out until I’ve tried them (with a few exceptions). Chances are, though, that I am unlikely to try this. The people who have asked me about this seem to want me to find the other playmates, and that’s something I am not at all motivated to do.
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Let me first say that my psych is a mix. In sexual matters, I am much the submissive but in all other aspects of life I am highly aggressive. With this in mind, yes, I too enjoy fantasies so themed. However, I question that it could ever work: Shortly before my wife and I were married, she admitted to having had slept (once) with another man very early in our relationship. My reaction? I basically told her to get out of the house *NOW* before I completely lost control. She got the hint and *ran* for the door. She left and I tore the place apart. By the next morning I’d more or less gotten it out of my system but I’ve no doubt that had she stayed and tried to “talk it over” she would have either been in the ICU or the morgue within an hour (physically, she’d never stand a chance against me and she knows it). Looking back, I realize that what had pissed me off the most was the feeling that I’d been made a fool of. Many of our friends (that I had met through her) were aware of the event *LONG* before I was. Suddenly, playful comments that people had made to me during parties no longer playful. Rather, they seemed to be inside jokes/insults to which I had not been privy. In retrospect, I’m sure this persecution was entirely in my mind, but that was my perception nonetheless. Does this mean that such a fantasy could never work for me? I don’t think so. As I said, it was the dishonesty concerning the tryst that hurt the most. Thus, if such an encounter were to occur over the table and with my consent, it may have a chance. But it would have to be under *IDEAL* circumstances. Circumstances that I realistically doubt would ever happen.
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To me, if your wife isn’t enthusiastic about it, I see potential problems for both of you. If she’s reluctant to do it, is there any probability that if she *does* do it, feelings of guilt might become involved on her part at some future date? In other words, does *she* actually find the fantasy appealing, or is she finding it appealing because she knows you find it appealing, or have you talked yourself into thinking she finds it appealing? In other words, lots of possibilities there………
The other side is your ultimate response. Right now it’s a fantasy. And you’re “safe” so far in that it is a fantasy. What’s going to happen should it become a reality? And a reality with humiliation attached? One of those “be careful what you wish for ’cause you just might get it” thangs.
I *have* found personally that the fantasy often seems to be a “basic tenant” for males in general, whether dominant or submissive (among those I know at least). But when push comes to shove, I’ve found the general direction in *reality* to be actually towards monogamy.
This causes a problem for me in that I recently discovered I’m polyamorous. Well, I shouldn’t say I recently discovered it……I guess I’ve know it deep down for a good long time………..but I’ve never allowed myself to bring it to the surface since any man (excepting one) that I’ve thought seriously about and who’s thought seriously about me has been monogamy-oriented. Thus I’ve always felt guilt and tried to fit into the monogamy-mold, feeling something was wrong with me. But talk about square pegs and round holes. I’ve finally hit the point where I can be true to myself and say “nope, I’m polyamorous, take it or leave it” and walk if they can’t accept that. And if they *can’t* accept it, then we’re both better off for the knowing. Or so *I* figure.
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Cuckolding has been a fantasy of mine since high school, but the opportunity has never presented itself. If my wife were to sneak around behind my back, that would be cuckolding in the technical sense, and I would be hurt. For the fantasy to work, she would have to tell me that she desires to have sex with another man. To be cuckold and not know about it is no fun AND the honesty has then been lost from our relationship. Because of my commitment to her, I would not expect to be given a choice in the matter. However, if it ever does come up, I am sure she would ask me if it is ok for her to have sex with another man. For me, it is a matter of our respective places in the world. My wife is superior to me in every way and she has the right to hold me monogamous while she finds satisfaction elsewhere. That’s just the way it is. If she had reason to permanently chaste me, then I would absolutely expect her to find satisfaction else where. To speak directly to the question below, I don’t think there is a difference between “cuckolding” and “other partner” if everyone is consensual. Cuckolding, as a word, has more mystery and…..well……charm, if you will, than “other partner” does.
It doesn’t seem that humiliation can be avoided in this situation. Even if my wife wanted to meet her boyfriend/lover in private, it would be humiliating for me. If she brought him home and I was required to serve them both, that would be absolutely mortifying. But, I think, I would feel secure with my place in the world.
Originally posted 2014-01-07 11:11:52.
Cuckoldry & Male Submission,
Female Led Relationships: Femdom Lifestyle - Female Superiority, Supremacy, Dominant Wives & Girlfriends, Woman Worship, Femdom Lifestyle